Notes On Heartbroken
I wonder how all the heartbroken people sing their songs. How their voice starts to shatter when it comes to the verse. Or how they dance carelessly until their foot hurts and their eyes sting, to dissolve all the feelings into one big gulp of bitter reality. How do they define it into words, with so much trouble saying it out loud with a hoarse voice, Is their chest burning? Is their blood boiling? or maybe they can’t, maybe they just stack it up, one by one until it becomes mountains up.
And it leads me to another thought, at scale how does it hurt to make people go down on their knees and just swirled up suddenly, sobbing, in public places? Or sealed themselves in their miserable room, with heavy air because the window hasn’t been opened since I-don’t-know-when although they’re allergic to dust solely because they can’t bear the heat from the sun, the sun who always reminds them that the days will probably be moved slowly than ever.
Does that ever cross your mind, Does that ever makes you wonder how big the impact of sadness from losing your loved one, losing their presence, can actually go longer than expected? How come something so precious yet so little to the world could drastically mess up your life? You can not stop your life at any moment like your everyday repeated song playlist.
How can people say, “I wish I never meet you” when they used to love you so unconditionally and hard until they were aimlessly lost in grief?
The pain they will remember and keep a hold of is so enormous, so affecting, but casually will get healed. But the pain will still be there, isn’t it? it doesn’t benign but it doesn’t malignant either.
I wonder when they can be full again, feeling themselves again.
And I wonder once the wound heals they can actually feel the warmth from the sun again.
Pick one flower, pick the one that could treat your wound and lulled you to the deep peaceful sleep that you’re long for. Go to the public bathroom when you remember how hard it is to continue your day, it’s okay to break down and cry in daylight. Tell your friends about how’d you feel, eat something sweet and go outside to peek out the sunset. Don’t listen to an excessive amount of sad songs, don’t overshare. Instead, you can validate your feelings by writing down how’d you feel in the plain books. Maintain your progress until it gets better.
But it does get better, right?